Joe is yelling at the trees again.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
