before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
