We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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