All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize