what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
