were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Randomize
