she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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