well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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