...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
