all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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