well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
its not stalking. its research.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
