I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
