If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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