is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
