if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
