She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He passed out mid-signature
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
