I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I can't turn off my feet"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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