R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
