I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I wear drunk well.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
