i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
it's great music for shaving your balls
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
