i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
