No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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