Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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