Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
