her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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