she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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