And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
