If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
