I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
