I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
