that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
is wine microwaveable?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
