On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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