Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
