Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
