i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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