Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish i was in the wii world.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
