so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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