Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
