if only i could text you this smell
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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