Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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