very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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