can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
