So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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