We won't sleep together?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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