You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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