I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
