When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
