For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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