i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
