i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
