oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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