Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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