her vagine was all disorganized.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
