ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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