Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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