You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
