You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
