he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
