i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
