you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
