that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize