I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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