Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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