I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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