Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
only if we run a train.
done.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
