I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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