If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Im part way to drunk.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
