Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
