I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
