If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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