how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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