I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Of course I have a pirate flag
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
