I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
