I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
